02.13.10

She sighed as she sat down and listened to her iPod. The songs played randomly but suprisingly all of them were relatively significant to how she felt at the moment. She thought it was strange… but whatever that feeling was, she couldn’t deny it. There’s something she couldn’t figure out, at least not with her way of thinking. She knew that it was way beyond what would allow her mind to ponder. For that she felt helpless. Pain. She felt a pang of pain inside her when she sees the other lonely. She knew there’s no way to help her. And she couldn’t really offer it, for that move would bring about some other things. Somehow she felt something was up around her. Her instincts are mostly right which is why she trusts her guts. But this time she didn’t want to trust nor accept what it has been trying to tell her. Everytime the thought came she would shut her mind and deny it as best she could. The mere thought of it creeps her out only because it’ll ruin things. She’s afraid to lose something she has found and accepting “it” would make her lose what she just found. It makes her sad to think of that. She didn’t know how or what the reasons were. Maybe if she acted cool and cold then it would go away. The old ways would come back and everything before that would re-surface again. But when? Waiting is so hard. It pains her on the inside although she has tried not to let it show and act like everything’s the way it always has been. She tried to come up with ways to make it go away. She always thought that facing the truth head-on would resolve things better than running away from it. But that didn’t work. Maybe it only made things harder. And nothing came off of it. Then she thought she could forget about it for awhile and at times it would work. But then that particular ”air” comes back from time to time. And she could feel the change immediately. The silence and weird stare. Being the girl who tried to be logical and crtitical she was sure she could face it. But now,,, it feels that all of that was only a facade. It slowly crumbled down that she can’t even look directly anymore. She was afraid anyone would see through it. Soon enough this would go away. Whether she wanted it or not. Because soon she will go on a different road to where she always thought she wanted to go. Away from all this that suddenly came up and made her go into a detour.  So now she decides to let it be and bury the thought until it dies out. Things will change in the near future. These things will be forgotten and when she goes back to that same road one day it will all be different.

fandiction in the works