05.31.2010

For the last day of May…

YUUTO AND KAZUKI KISS

So this happened during their last tour together. ♥♥♥

And of course…

CURSED HURRICANE PV

5.30.2010

So here I am again feeling the need to write. It’s best to unload all this stuff in my head and let this page (or a paper ) have it! LOL. Hmmm it seems the lines are busy now since I can’t send a message on my phone. Well my other classmates are going to start their college life tomorrow and I wanted to wish them good luck. I know I shouldn’t worry about college to much since we’re all gonna go through this and probably a million other kids my age and younger  But at the back of my head there’s this sinking feeling. Nothing seems to help at the moment. No matter what I do and think I always end up thinking the same problem. But it’ll come though and I have to face it. I only have a few days to prepare myself. I thought I’m not gonna fit in and I’m gonna regret attending my new school. But then I got to enroll and I observed those students around and though it wasn’t so bad. I saw a few interesting people. I think that I’d be able to make friends at some point. I’m just really slow when it comes to that. LOL. What makes me feel even better is that they have this language program in which anyone can apply for and take lessons. It’s even open to non-students. I told my grandma how I’m going to try and work on getting myself in a student exchange program and stuff like that. So she’s okay with me if I take language lessons too. I’m looking forward to that. Recently I discovered that university is very much involved with international relations and stuff related to that. So that means that the IS humanitarian course is definitely their forte. Actually I thought about applying for that course instead before. I think it was one of my options when I applied for another college. But I figured it was only because I was interested in culture and languages. Then I thought that that’s not what I really wanted to do. I mean part of me wanted to go around the world and experience didn’t cultures on my own. So I decided I’d become a psychiatrist and then study languages so I can increase my chances of getting hired abroad But that’s just where I see myself to be going in the future. It doesn’t mean I’ll really be doing that, right? As of now, there’s only a tiny bit of chance that all that can happen. I thought of how i want to experience living in places where I totally don’t know anyone. I think it’ll help me be stronger. I mean, I’ve already experienced almost the same thing. For instance was when we had this workshop at another university and we were separated into different teams.There was a challenge at that time and different schools came together, not expecting that we were going to be mixed groups. I was even late at that time due to circumstances. It was quite embarrassing and sort of a shock to me at first. It felt hopeless but I had to go with the flow with my teammates. To be honest I was worried and intimidated because they came from known schools. But we did the first challenge and I sort of blurted out the answer (my nerves were killing me and when I saw the question it just came out) and after that I felt a bit at ease. We did several challenges and I think I cooperated quite well so we ended up in third place. I was so relieved in the end. Then I realized I could get through something like that.. Another instance was even worst. It happened during a typhoon and I thought I wasn’t going to get home anymore. Well it happened to the entire archipelago but what the heck? I woke up that day thinking it was a completely ordinary day and then boom it just had to happen. Long story short, I got stuck at the LRT station during a typhoon because all areas were flooded. At first it was only waist deep and I thought I’d just get through it and wash up as soon as I got home but I was debating over that. So I waited and a few hours later vehicles were already submerged in water. i thought it was hopeless. My phone’s battery was out and the whole picture was like “The Day After Tomorrow”, LOL. So I just sat in one place and it was a very uncomfortable and disgusting moment. I sucked up the courage to borrow someone else’ phone to tell my grandparents where I was. They couldn’t do anything either. So again I waited. Then before I know it I was already in a group and we were trying to find ways to get out. We even went to a parking lot of a motel to spend the night at a warmer place (the motel was full so…) It sucked and it was the worst experience ever. A few hours passed and I talked to this woman and she sort of told me stuff about her life…LOL. Anyhow, in the end I did manage to get home safely and that’s all that matters now  So what’s college life got to do with all this? Well, I just think to myself that this feeling of anxiety is only temporary. One way or the other I’m bound to adjust to it just like before. Four years ago I worried about the same things, about the challenges and keeping up academically. Just a few months ago I was at my wits end figuring out how to pass our thesis. During those times I felt like giving up and dying. But I kept going on and telling myself it’s all pass. Even on graduation day I had to face the worst and believe me it was. But see? It’s all history now  Now that I’m thinking about those things I feel as if I never suffered. I could give up now or I could keep going. It’s my choice.

“The weak look back when they fall but only the strong look forward and move on.”

I’m not finished ranting yet. I still have to write about the weird things I dreamed the other day. I’m surprised I still remember them now. Maybe it was that weird to make me remember them until now.
So the first one goes like this… I was supposed to go to school (college I think) and so I rode this car and strangely enough I was with other girls (they were supposed to be my friends?) and instead we ended up at a mall. But there was this woman old enough to be my grandma who came along with us. Then we entered this converse shop and there was an announcement about a promo. It said that if we were wearing converse sneaks at that time time then we get a freebie. So I reacted that I had a Pony on and not a Converse. LOL. Anyway I got home and then there was this baby. I went near it and started playing with it. The baby was supposed to be my cousin..? There was also this woman and her brother. The woman was my uncle’s wife. And that’s not really the case in real life. Anyway the baby was weird because as I was playing with it, it’s body and head turned but separately like an exorcist. It was too strange that I woke up.

The next one goes like this…I was in a classroom but it’s similar to a college format because there were elevated steps. But the thing was there were boys and in reality I’m gonna attend an exclusive school. So there was this Korean guy next to me and he seemed snobbish and intelligent. What surprised me though was that he looked like this Korean guy on Big Brother (LOL) named Ryan but he acted more like the other guy on the same show named Jack. I don’t even watch them. Anyway we were talking about something… sort of arguing a bit about a topic. I’m not sure. Oh right and then it skipped and I was with my classmate Amer,her boyfriend Ralph and another person. Hmmm we ate at this place and then Ralph told me something but I can’t remember it now. Then this other person I didn’t know who was with us went off to another table and the next thing I know Amer was sort of pissed..? Then it ended there.

So that’s it.

My poor cellphone key chain was mugged by our dear chihuahuas. Take note that it is a cat 

5.29.2010

Well hello. These days I have a lot going on in my head but I have trouble putting it in writing. There’s a lot of things, a lot of words that pass through my head. I find myself talking to my subconscious and as always worrying about the same things. I thought about it and I’d like to get busy over something. Maybe when my college life starts I will have to get tons of work done. Maybe I’d get the hang of it if I get compelled on doing some work. To be honest, I never had a fixed timetable. I didn’t have study hours neither did I have a specific time for anything. I just did what I felt like doing everyday and got things done when I remembered them. Which is why I mastered how to come up with instant stuff like homework, projects and other schoolwork. Anyway I wasn’t alone since my friends were doing the same thing. If my aunt who raised me when I was little was still here I’d be dead meat. I probably would have never lost that habit of planning and making time for everything. I rarely ever got punished nor scolded when I was young. The things I got scolded for were because I had a small appetite and I didn’t eat as much as I should. Also, I didn’t like sleeping in the afternoon even though they said I’d grow taller. Then once I didn’t do this homework because I forgot all about it. See, my aunt checks my notebooks for teacher’s notes back then and she saw that. She got mad and made me finish it even though I had to stay up late. I was in kindergarten back then. Well it’s kinda fun to admit now but I used to fake some things as strategy when I was a kid. Since I had a small appetite I used to act like throwing up so I didn’t have to eat so much. And when I had to sleep in the afternoon I used to just pretend and rub my eyes when it was time for me to wake up  My aunt left for Japan before I got to grade school but I managed to keep the same routine. Then in high school that routine just fell apart. I guess influence played a big part in that problem. I wish I hadn’t lost that habit until now. I only ever wanted to be consistent at my work. In my seventh grade my teacher said there’s only one person in our class who was consistent. I wish I could hear that again. So what happened? I faltered, fell apart, came back and struggled to be consistent about it. That sucks. Oh well.

So I read Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief out of intense boredom. It wasn’t bad, really. It was a cool way of telling the stories of Greek mythology and making the gods and goddesses look real cool and modern. LOL at Ares for being portrayed as a biker dude. I liked it even though it’s already below my level. Oh it makes me remember the good old Harry Potter days. I need to find a good book soon. But it made me think about how cool it’d be if I were a god or goddess’ child. Aside from that Percy and I, we’re on the same boat. So it turns out Poseidon was his daddy. But the thing was, since Zeus, Poseidon and Hades were the three who had the greatest powers they made an oath never to have a bazillion kids with countless women. And so Percy turned out to be a very powerful half-blood and he was also a bastard child. A mistake. Poseidon was even sorry he was born. Well how about that? LOL.

And now I’m reading the Diary of Anne Frank again. I stopped reading it halfway because it bored me. It’s all about the Jews and the Germans and all but it really did bore me. Anyone who has read it would know that it’s in journal format and not in a story. But now I saw it again and decided to read the latter which I am glad I did. Since it’s starting to get more exciting. Believe me it bothers me when I don’t finish a book. It got interesting for me because Anne started to mention things in her diary which I could relate to. She was much younger than me when they went into hiding but she was already a good writer.

I though about becoming a journalist but I figured I’d be giving myself a hard time forcing my brain to come up with an article every now and then. And by the time I start working, no article no money. There’s so much to write about this world but people have different interests. Not everyone will care to read what I write anyways.

I’ve always liked eating ramen. My mum sends us a box from time to time. But by far this Korean ramen is the spiciest I’ve ever tasted. It’s also big too.

05.22.2010

These two lines are awesome. I get so much of these things from watching dramas which why I keep watching them. KBS has such great writers ☺☺☺

“You don’t smile because you’re happy. You’re happy because you smile.”
~IRIS

“You don’t believe what you see. You see what you believe in.”
~THE LUCIFER

Too bad I lost my old phone. I had these lines stored there. They are said at such random moments and I just had to write it somewhere so I won’t forget. They might be useful one day.

And now I’m listening to ballads which is why I’ve taken a liking for 2AM. They’re really great singers. They deserve t be recognized ☺☺☺ and a better company… like YG? haha I’m getting the impression that JYP too hard on his talents. I mean you do need to train them well but making them feel unappreciated and limiting them so much on allowance when they make you enough money is a bit too much… it’s just a sad story coming from the artists themselves… no wonder Rain left JYP. It’s not because he had the money to start his own company, it’s probably because of something else. And now the company’s going through a deficit. Too bad.

Oh is that my problem? Guess not! ☺☺☺ Whatever.

You better run, run, run, run
Run devil run, run

So the real reason why I logged on. Just so I don’t forget these ideas when they come to mind I’m gonna type it here. i figured I’m not gonna waste paper by writing down drafts. i’m just gonna compile everything and finalize it before I write it down that notebook Clover gave me. Because I do value it. I value the fact she appreciates my ability and encouraged me ☺☺☺ And so I’d like to give her a shout out! hahaha

[ what is my destiny? why can't i just say simply what is on my mind? why do i choose to write down everything? but then again everything is a story waiting to be told. people won't take time to listen to someone like me. no, they won't. because if you just take time and look at the rest of the world, you'll find that everyone is just too busy to listen. people rush off to go somewhere, to do unfinished jobs and most of all to earn money. nut me i don't have anything better to do with my life. up until now all i've been doing is waste it. all those days that i watched pass by me, it all seems wasteful and reckless. all this time i believed i was making something of myself. yet, after all i've done, it all accounts to nothing now. i thought to myself before when i first realized it, that i want to be able to look back someday and see the world as a beautiful place. something that i'll regret leaving when i'm weak and dying. ]

[ the water pressure is starting to get to me. i am starting to feel a sense of panic in my chest. too much water has infiltrated my lungs, i'm probably gonna choke to death. i stare blankly at the vast darkness and feel the cold seeping into my skin, freezing my insides and affecting my body processes. am i drowning? if i am, then i will gladly comply. drowning is such a beautiful death isn't it? the water takes your life and you become entombed in a cold and dark place unknown. deep within the depths of the ocean never to be found again. you are alone with no one to witness what happens,and soon you become too numb to resist the cold and pain of dying. and then it happens. you lose consciousness and never will you gain it back, ever. as the tiny bit of light disappears and i begin to accept my death, a hand suddenly grabs my wrist and i am dragged back into the real world. the chaotic place which i was ready to leave wouldn't allow me to. oxygen rushes back to my lungs... ]


Fan fic in the making >.<

05.21.2010

How can enrollment take SEVEN effin hours?!?!? and during a hot weather I may add! >.< \
I’m totally not a big fan of the sun.
It’s so hot that I keep expecting a heat wave one of these days. (Is it too much to ask for a little precipitation?)
I hope it’s rainy season soon. And I’m so glad it always rains on my birth month 
And if I look back, I think I’ve said the phrase “It’s so hot!” a million times already.
So thankfully I am enrolled and I also got my schedule.
I have 21 units to complete and I only have four days of school a week. SWEET!
But I do have classes as early as 7:30 am and as late as 5:30 pm.
That’s still fine though…I mean 4 days of school? Yipeee!
So I just had to sit and wait for a couple f hours and do what they told me to.
Then some girls talked to me but it was more like small talk, probably nothing close to friendship.
Oh well, there’s bound to be someone in that school that I can get along with 
And then this old student who was assisting me told me I was lucky when she read on my schedule that the prof in my general psychology class is a nice person so she told me there’s no reason to get nervous.
Although she did tell me in the end that, that prof likes to conduct graded recitations. GREAT. Just what I needed to hear 
Actually that’s not one of my habits in class. I just want to keep a low profile but these teachers keep squeezing the answers out of me.
LOL ^^

Ohhh… and here she goes again!
My cousin is nagging me again. I can’t believe I’ve lived with this for four years! There’s a reason I don’t have a younger sibling. I hate being asked obvious questions and always..always being nagged on about this and that… and it never ends! She even copies me. My habits and whatnot. Jeesh what a brat. And what’s with looking behind me when I’m using the computer? Am I in an internet cafe?? Oh and I also hate repeating myself so there’s no point to tell her to STOP all those things because she NEVER listens. I don’t give a damn if she copies me cuz she looks up to me. Whatever. I don’t need to be looked up on.

05.16.2010

weeeeeeeee celebrate good times c’mon!
not really…
but these explains everything 

and so these just landed on my hands one fine day hehe

i didn’t even ask for them…

well i did ask for Laruku’s Blessed single but that was sold out and these happened to be on sale

and so my collection multiplies…

05.14.2010

Today is an awesome day. I can’t explain in detail now but as soon as I get my camera back I will ☺☺☺ It’s just too good to be true. But of course I can’t lose my head and be too happy about it. I know something bad will come up after this temporary happiness. I’ve been in this situation over and over again and I think I’ve learned not to be too overwhelmed about things. And now I’ve noticed that because of that I’ve failed to really express my happiness about what just happened. In fact I felt nothing. My brain told me to rejoice and be excited but I didn’t find that emotion anywhere. I am being held back by something. At the back of my head there’s bound to be something wrong that’s gonna happen in the next few days. But hey, at least I got more than what I asked for again which is always the best part. It’s a good thing when you don’t ask for too much and then you end up having more than what you expected. It’s better to not think about the things you want to happen and just move towards the future blindly. Isn’t that a tad more thrilling? I don’t want to make plans and be calculating anymore. That takes away the freedom of meeting unexpected things in my way. I wish I could stop but it’s sort of a habit. ☺

Anyway I’ve been wanting to blog about this movie I saw last time. It’s a Korean movie and it’s quite good. There aren’t heartthrobs and pretty faces in the movie but it was worth watching. My grandpa bought the DVD because he knew I like Korean movies and dramas that he thought I might like it. Awwww. HAHAHA. ☺☺☺ So they took the story from the tsunami that happened a few years ago. The plot is that a tsunami threatened to destroy Busan. At first none of the authorities were alarmed by it but then it did happen. The story revolved around 3 lives and showed the sacrifices they had to make in order for them to survive. I only recognized actress Ha Ji Won who also played a role in the drama Memories of Bali. I liked her part in the movie though. She played a rich and carefree girl who was taking a vacation in Busan and in process she met a lifeguard who saved her from drowning in the ocean after she fell of a yacht. LOL. Anyway their pairing is really funny. but what I liked the most is the part when the tsunami hit and the guy had to save her again. The thing was there was this other guy who liked her as well but she didn’t like him at all. Her friends set her up to a date with him on a yacht (again) and that’s when the tragedy strikes. So Mr, Lifeguard saves her and the other guy but in the end the lifeguard had to sacrifice his life for the other guy to be saved. The scene reminds me of that Ashton Kutcher movie about hurricane Katrina. Anyways, it’s really a good scene. He took off his watch which the girl wanted to have previously and told the other guy to give it to her. Then he cut off the rope that supported him and fell into the water. He looked up smiling at her (there was a helicopter) and then a huge wave wiped off the surface of the water and he was again. And I was like… DAMN.☺☺☺

05.12.2010

♫♫♪ and i don’t know how it gets better than this
you take my hand and drag me head first fearless
and i don’t know why but with you i’d dance
in a storm in my best dress fearless ♫♫♪

hmmm i don’t know which scene i should begin the story with….
but i should get started… before i forget my plot

and again the song keeps ringing in my head ♥

05.7.2010

omma

wow….so i abandoned my eljay for two weeks…
i didn’t even log in to check or anything…
maybe it’s because there’s really nothing to expect anyway..
and i was feeling blank and unwilling to write anything..
until a thought finally came over me…
once again… i’ll try to write a story..
it’s about time i get creative again…
it’s time to use the notebook clover gave to me…
i must put it to good use… hahaha