Everyday when I think about myself often I end up thinking about the future. What does the future hold for me. Often I end up fearing that I might actually be wrong with the decisions I made. There is that familiar feeling of anxiety and fear that my future would be the opposite of what I so badly hope for. Negative questions keep on bugging me. Yes, I admit that I am a pessimist but strangely this thinking has worked for me so many times. Remember the saying “expect the unexpected”? well I just think of it as that way. You see when I think of something negative the opposite actually happens instead. But anyways that’s not the point here. When it comes to our dreams we tend to have big plans. But with such big plans, big steps also have to be taken. There are risks and sacrifices to be made. Decisions are also in the way before these goals come into fufillment. A lot of us already know these things and are witnessess to other people’s success. Many people have made it big in their chosen fields. Such wonderful stories of greatness. Yet, these people wouldn’t be where they are now without going through so many struggles. That feeling of satisfaction is far greater if you really struggled to achieve something. Behind every success is a struggle, a fight for something you so badly want. When you want something, you have to want it really, really bad to be able to achieve it. This will help you be motivated and more determined to prove that you deserve it.
While we are young we plan our lives and only include positive things. We tend to avoid the negative in fear of failure and hardship. Of course who would want that, right? We see great things ahead of us and look up to people. Sometimes we even pattern our lives to those we admire. Life does not offer us only good things. Someone as young as I am would think that it is because life is cruel, that reality is harsh and people are mean. That is true. I admit that I think of those things too as a person. We are free to think and realize that our thoughts aren’t always right and as human beings things don’t always go perfectly. Life is a vast ocean. The surface is clear and it looks inviting. But if you look hard enough and venture deeper, you will soon realize the dangers and mysteries it hides within. You can’t always sail smoothly and get to your destination without encountering a few thunderstorms here and there. Sometimes there are thunderstorms that deliberately throw you off course. Once this happens, it is up to you to go back to the same course.
Things don’t always go according to plan. Sometimes life offers us more than we could have imagined. Sometimes it is even better than what we could’ve hoped for. If we deserve something we will surely have it eventually even if we do not ask for it. God sees everything and He is also very appreciative of what we do especially if we give offer everything to Him.
I know a few stories of people who struggled before they got to do what they truly love. Actually these people are the ones I admire and get inspiration from. They aren’t politicians nor businessmen. But they share the same story of greatness. Let me just the story of one of them. When he was younger he was sort of a delinquent youth who lives in Japan. His parents were probably hardworking. From the way spoke of his mother, I am assuming that she is very caring and loving to him. His father must’ve been very strict. When he was younger his father didn’t believe in his apirations. He wanted to be a musician but his family didn’t support that. So he ran away and got disinherited by his father as punishment for what he did. What he did was indeed wrong and it looked like he just ruined his life. Maybe at that point he may have thought of the same thing. People tend to be miserable when they are at their weakest, darkest moment. But then life went on and he met people who had the same goals. They started a band together and are now one of the top bands in Japan. Not only that, they also crossed-over with their music to Europe and the United States. His father didn’t acknowledge him before but when their music started playing on various medias, his father accepted him back. I didn’t know his story when I started listening and appreciating his songs. I liked his songs because they tell stories that aren’t commonly sung by mainstream musicians. His talent in poetry is just amazing and it makes me wonder how he is able to write those. He writes about the society, issues and sometimes I feel like I told things about my own life that his words seem to connect with my thoughts. His compositions are so autobiographical that I am constantly reminded that no matter how great and out of reach he seems to be now, he is still a human being who never ceased to dream.
WHAT DO I DO WITH MY LIFE NOW? NOT EVERYTHING IS GOING EXACTLY AS PLANNED AND I STILL HAVE TO FIX “THIS”. I STILL HAVE THAT NEED TO GET MY LIFE ON THAT SPECIFIC TRACK I WANTED. BUT IT’S DEFINITELY GONNA TAKE SOME TIME AND I’M STILL UNSURE OF IT. I WONDER WHY I’M NOT FICKLE-MINDED. MAYBE I SHOULDN’T BE MAKING DECISIONS AS QUICKLY AS I AM NOW. BUT THAT’S JUST HOW I GREW UP. I MAKE DECISIONS AND I STICK BY IT, PERIOD. I AM FULL OF PRIDE SO I DON’T LIKE TAKING BACK WHAT I STAND FOR. BUT IT’S A GOOD THING TOO. I FEEL THAT I CAN’T REGRET ANY OF THESE THINGS I’VE DONE BECAUSE NONE OF THEM ARE ENTIRELY WRONG. MAYBE THEY’RE NOT THE BEST BUT THEY AREN’T WRONG FOR ME AT ALL. THERE IS A REASON BEHIND ALL THESE AND I’VE YET TO FIND OUT, I GUESS. MAYBE THESE THINGS WILL DO ME GOOD IN THE LONG RUN. THEY SAY WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO SEE YOURSELF DOING IT BUT THAT SCARES ME. DISAPPOINTMENT IS EASY TO ACCEPT WHEN I’M BEING NEGATIVE. SO I JUST TEND TO BE ONE. I THINK I HAVE TO GROW OUT OF THESE THINGS I’VE BEEN DOING. THESE THINGS I’VE BEEN OBSESSED WITH. BUT THAT’S DIFFICULT BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE I’LL LOSE MYSELF. LIKE I’M GOING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE AND NOT THE PERSON PEOPLE KNEW JUST A FEW DAYS AGO. BUT IF I DON’T, I MIGHT BE STUCK IN THIS STATE AND NOT ACHIEVE ANYTHING. I FEEL KINDA STUPID AND I KNOW I SHOULDN’T BE FEELING THIS. WORSE, I FEEL SHALLOW, LIKE THERE’S NO DEPTH TO MY THOUGHTS. I FEEL LIKE A KID AND IT’S FRUSTRATING. I’M SUPPOSED TO BE SENSIBLE AND YET I THINK I’VE BEEN RECKLESS ALL THIS TIME. THAT IS NOT COOL AT ALL. 
I’M NOT THE TYPE TO MISS PEOPLE SO MUCH. LET’S JUST SAY I’M USED TO IT. I REALLY AM, GIVEN SOME CIRCUMSTANCES HAHAHA 
